I'm sorry
by Reinxofxtears
Summary: Oneshotish Itachi's appoligies and regrets to deidara after his death. kinda goes with a story I hope to post once I find it . warning mention of yaoi, rape and suicide... just a warning slight ItaxDei


I'm sorry my love, this is all my fault, I should have killed him long ago.

Pathetic...only after having my way with you did I realize how much I love you. And still I couldn't even tell you...not till now.

It is my fault you were how you were. You were innocent until me.. first I beat you in battle, forcing you to join this hellish organization. The Akatsuki...

Then, as soon as your beloved Danna dies... I take you for a night then leave. Please forgive me though, my love.. I didn't know back then what I do now... I have learned what love is, thanks to you.

I thought I loved Kisame.. but... that was just a strange lust... and my brother? Sasuke? HA! I have never hated anyone as much as I do that little fool.

Deidara... you were the only one I really loved...

I know you hated me... why wouldn't you? I know I hurt you that day

I forced my way into your bed using little tricks to arouse you..then

Even once your poor body was exhausted, I took you greedily.

When I heard Sasuke was coming, I was ecstatic at the thought of you fighting him.. I wanted to kill him myself, but it would relieve you of your hatred against the Sharingan to fight him. He was, after all, weaker then I thought...

When news reached me through Tobi that you had died, sacrificing your life in an explosion , it took all I had to hold back my tears. Tobi isn't the "good boy" he pretends to be.. anyone can see that, but you were his weak spot.

He too loved you... but not with the same intensity, the same passion as I did.

He looked up to you... and then, after you had a taste of unconditional "love" from me... you wanted it from him.

He really thought he was the only one... so sad.

After him... I know about Pein... and even a few men who you had seen on missions... even Konan... though I thought your eyes were only tempted by men .. she seemed to be highly depressed by Tobi's words as well.. you must have impressed Pein's little whore.

Can I ever make it up to you my love?...I know I can't.

I can't even avenge you... Sasuke has become stronger than me.

And my eyes have gotten worse... He will eventually kill me too.

At this rate I wish I could let you go...

I tried to forget you , once you died.. it's been about two weeks now.

And still... you haunt my dreams...I think I may truly be going insane; just with your memory. After all... here I am, right now, Talking to a grave, marked with your name... yet you're not even in it... nothing was left after your self-destructive 'masterpiece'... not a piece of your hair... a torn shred of your shirt or cloak... nothing remains of your body, your artistic mind... nothing but my memories.

Haha... just look at me... the mess I've become... the strength of my eyes nearly gone, tears streaming from them, for the first time that I can remember, I am no longer in control; my clothing is torn, sagging from the wieght I've lost. My love. my hair mussed and down.. longer then I like it by far.

I haven't eaten in days..haven't spoken to anyone but you... I guess in some odd way my love... your art did defeat my Sharingan... the masterpiece you were lives on in my mind... and all that I was before has died along with your perfect body.

How I long to kiss your lips... and hold you once more... I wouldn't take advantage of you ...I would just lay beside you, tell you how much I love you...

Why is time so cruel? Fate? Did you even believe in that?

I think I can defeat this pain though, love... though my blood would stain your grave... it just involves the kiss of a kunai... then... and only then can I meet you once more... and if I do.. I promise to treat you as I should have... I will not hurt you anymore ... I trapped you, raped you..and by letting _him_ live, I killed you...

If only I could go back... I'd have let you kill me the first time we met...

So... here's to you my love...

I'm leaning against your grave now... dearest Deidara, I can't hold myself up any longer... my blood is too thin and the poison from the kunai... is taking affect...I will see you soon now love... everything is black... it's getting hard to breath... I... love you. I want that to be the last thing I say... but I can't force it out.. my mouth won't open.. guess I'm weaker then I thought...

Well... goodbye for now... beloved... I'll be with you... soon

Just a few moments now... and I will be...

dead.


End file.
